I've spent an extraordinary amount of time over the years learning about myself and also trying to organize and be able to articulate my thoughts about relationships. I can truly say that my views have not changed since I first allowed myself to begin analyzing and defining them, and have only been validated as my experiences grow and as time passes.
I can't say when I began to really consciously question the idea of forever with regard to marriage and relationships. I certainly didn't grow up with the healthiest of relationship modelers to follow; but I know that when I was young enough to be an idealist, I did think there was a happily ever after that involved marriage and babies and the foundation of a loving family.Mostly now, when I visualize the me of then, I'm fairly certain that ideal was due to the fact that I yearned for that loving family because I thought it would make me whole. The me of today is now convinced that the only way for me to be whole is to piece that foundation together with many different relationships. Oh, don't misunderstand me, I'm not suggesting that all of those different relationships would be of a romantic nature. In fact, the analogy that I use most often when attempting to convey my theory has nothing to do with sex, romance, or intimacy. It has to do with the layers or levels of friends that most people have. For example, you might have one friend that you call to go shopping or watch football, another that's more suited for a couples dinner party, and yet another who you have coffee with after your book club get together. Different friends fit the different facets of us; they provide the interactions that foster the well-being of our various moods and needs. If we <society> accept this as a healthy way to conduct our lives then why on earth would we view romantic/sexual/intimate relationships any differently? Why would we ever expect one spouse or romantic partner to fit all our facets? Again, don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that everyone should just throw the notion of faithfulness out the door and go lockdown a good romantic/sexual/intimate rotation. It's definitely more complicated than faithful/unfaithful.
I think a lot of what our facets require is driven by what's mainly going on in our lives, and it's also possible that whatever is going on allows for one romantic partner to be enough. It seems that some people are fully able to either decisively keep their facets in check enough to be happy with one partner; or just happen to not have needy facets to begin with. I've certainly had periods of time where either my life was on an even keel, or I've been too busy enriching one particular facet to give any of the others attention. During those times I haven't felt the need to seek out interactions that would require the addition of friends or romantic partners. Some would say that my reasoning is my own justification that makes me feel ok with how I have decided to conduct my life. I can see where some would think that; however, it's not often that I cut myself any slack nor am I one to make excuses or avoid the truth. I've put quite a bit of thought into what my "me" needs to stay intact to be fully functioning at the highest efficiency possible; and I can truly say, that when all of my facets are nurtured, that's when I'm happiest, most focused, and engaged with those around me.
No comments:
Post a Comment